Wow

I haven't looked at this blog in over a year, don't even have the same email address. All this information about my life and my family just waiting here for someone to read. Waiting for me to add to it I guess. Well, Mom's dead, has been for almost six months now. Six months--crap--this does not get any easier. I was lucky enough to spend her last months taking care of her and even with all the sickness I will treasure that time always. I dream of her almost nightly and so vividly I have to wake up and reassure myself that yes, it happened and yes, she's gone. Cancer sucks.
My husband and I are trying to have a baby and we are in the second stage where all the procedures are starting to happen. All the little tests and little pills, not the lets have lots of sex and hope for the best stage. Am I strong enough for this? Will I be a good mother? Am I going to end up in the closet eating my own hair? These questions taunt me continuously. And the worse part of everything? When I do have a child I will never get to see my Mom with my baby and that kills me a little bit every time it crosses my mind.

p.s. These hormones are already fucking with me! Wonderful.