Wow

I haven't looked at this blog in over a year, don't even have the same email address. All this information about my life and my family just waiting here for someone to read. Waiting for me to add to it I guess. Well, Mom's dead, has been for almost six months now. Six months--crap--this does not get any easier. I was lucky enough to spend her last months taking care of her and even with all the sickness I will treasure that time always. I dream of her almost nightly and so vividly I have to wake up and reassure myself that yes, it happened and yes, she's gone. Cancer sucks.
My husband and I are trying to have a baby and we are in the second stage where all the procedures are starting to happen. All the little tests and little pills, not the lets have lots of sex and hope for the best stage. Am I strong enough for this? Will I be a good mother? Am I going to end up in the closet eating my own hair? These questions taunt me continuously. And the worse part of everything? When I do have a child I will never get to see my Mom with my baby and that kills me a little bit every time it crosses my mind.

p.s. These hormones are already fucking with me! Wonderful.

A Little Update

Tomorrow Mom goes to a specialist in "The City", Oklahoma City to be exact. Don't know why we just call it the city instead of OKC or something, must be an Okie thing. "Where ya goin'?" "The city." "How far is it?" "Bout 30 minutes." Ha Ha Okies rule! So she goes to the doc and he is supposed to be awesome and we will know more tomorrow. Everyone has gotten over the ugly cries and we are now ready to kick some dirty cancer ASS!
I have NO creative juice lately! I started an altered book for my friend Christa and have maybe done three or four things to it. Now it is acting as a coaster on my coffee table. Just sitting there, taunting me. I did have food poisoning Sunday from Delta Cafe and it sucked! I will never eat there again and will tell everyone I know to never eat there again. If anyone is going to get some form of a food borne illness it's always me. I'm sooo lucky!
On a good note, we have gotten all of our paperwork from DHS about opening the daycare. Now there are a few requirements to fill and we need our background checks done then we are ready to go! I'm excited and nervous with lots of questions and ideas floating around. I really can't wait to get this thing going, up and running and being profitable. I think I'll be using the name "All About Kids" for all of the official mumbo jumbo. I don't know if there is going to be lots of mumbo jumbo but it will at least look cute on a shirt!
All of your good vibes and happy prayers sent my Mom's way will surely be appreciated!!

Cancer

My mother has pancreatic cancer, the tumor almost completely covering the pancreas. This sucks.

I Lost My Shit

On Wednesday we had a family dinner at my mom's house which is unusual for us because we usually only eat together on Sunday nights. I knew something was up, have known somehow that something was wrong for a little while now. I walk in and ask why are we eating on a Wednesday and no one really says anything. I look at my Mom with this deadpan stare and just ask her,"Do you have cancer?" And she says......"maybe". Maybe she has cancer, maybe she doesn't, maybe she'll be around to see her grand kids grow up, maybe she won't. Maybe I'll be able to survive in this world without her and maybe I won't. She says that her doctor thinks she may have pancreatic cancer and she goes in for a CT scan Monday and then will get results like Thursday. Then I lose my shit. I start bawling like I bawled when I was five and accidentally broke my Mom's toe.(long, yet funny, story for another day) I cry so much my face looks like molten lava and my brother beelines for the computer room leaving a full plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
And I'm still bawling, walking around with my heart in my throat and my stomach about to fall out of my butt. Everyone is sitting on their hands because there is nothing to do but wait or Google pancreatic ailments and I surely am not giving myself those nightmares.
My Mom is going to be 60 in August, has smoked since she was 14 and lives an incredibly high stress life. She's rounder than she should be and not as active as she could be. She has three kids, one grandson and lots of "adopted" kids and grand kid's. She's every one's Maw. She starts "Granny Boxes" for anyone that is having a baby because she loves the little clothes and any excuse to buy them. She has four red, fat dachshund's and lots of overgrown flower beds. She always smells so good, like dove soap and Rare Pearl perfume from Avon all mixed up in cigarette smoke, and she wears muumuu's. The kind of muumuu's with African safari scenes and burn holes on the belly of them. She's awesome.

I'm so fucking pessimistic. She's going to be fine and I need to just keep thinking positive thoughts. All that good stuff and happy vibes, whatever. I'm just so scared.

What I'm Reading

I love Sark! I have loved Sark ever since high school when my friend Mary and I found some of her greeting cards on sale at Barnes and Noble. Mary picked them up and said,"I want to live like this." and I couldn't agree with her more. Since I have not been feeling my creative vibes recently I did a quick search for some Sark inspiration and found this gem of a book.
It is a plan for procrastinators, perfectionists and people who would rather sleep all day. All three of those are me!! That's not really something to be proud of though. Maybe this little book, actually a rather big book for Sark being 300+ pages, will give me some motivation. I have the ideas and all the resources just none of that get up and go. Here's hoping!

Dream a little dream of me.

Where have I been? I've been asleep, that's where. Sleeping that dead person sleep where your dreams are freakishly vibrant and REAL. I dreamt that the hippies took over San Francisco and there were these gas stations where gas was $.93 and $.98 and there were signs everywhere saying,"Hippies R Here" and "Damn the Man" things like that. At one gas station there was a vending machine type thing but it was all on the honor system. Nice. My husband was in the dream with me and we visited this park with huge toys,like giant blue dinosaurs and enormous pink elephants with swings on the trunks, and I guess it was right next to someplace like the YMCA because then we went swimming. I also bought these tiny plastic whistles to take home to my nieces and nephews. They were all different animals and bright colors and for some reason I remember they were only fifty cents. If I ever find whistles like these in my waking hours I'm going to buy every single one of them. They were so cute and tiny and made the sweetest little tinkling sounds. I wonder what a dream interpreter would say about this one!

Survey says.....

A funny little survey that I did on Myspace. To see my Myspace page go to www.myspace/edavisgee.com.

Go to urbandictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then put the first definition it gives you.



1) Your first name? Erin
1. an extremely aweome girl with talent, humor, and beauty.



2. Lover of 7.


I love you ur such an erin!
The Beautiful, exotic island of Ireland. Erin is peaceful is calm.




2) Nickname? Ernin
ernin isn't defined yet.





3) Favorite color: aqua
Main ingredient of shampoo. Fancy term for water, because shampoo's are too cool to use the word water.


Nu-uh! It's not water.. it's *aqua*



4) Boyfriend/Girlfriend's Name: Joshua
A boyfriend who cooks, cleans, pays, and drives. A Joshua.


Wow that guy is such a joshua.





5) Favorite alcoholic drink: Scope
A Scope is a term used to describe a person who was once referred to as a spastic.



In 1994 the UK charity organisation "The Spastics Society" changed it's name to "Scope", due to too many people labelling the window lickers with this harsh insult.



Therefore it is now only fair that any spastics are now called scopes.


"You fucking scope, stop licking that window"




6) Favorite food? Nachos
slang word for pot coined by a group of high school kids from northern VA (which spread quickly as far north as Boston, as far south as Savannah) both in honor of their favorite food and as another name for their favorite recreational drug. This name has been tested and proven for safe use in public.


In history class and across the room, "Hey man, those nachos we had this weekend were fantastic.

"
"Yeah I know what you mean, I stuffed myself with nachos all weekend.





7) Hometown
Shawnee~
shawnee isn't defined yet


8) 1 Good friend's name? Mary
one who is seemingly innocent.



Mary is commonly known as a good girl, for example: the virgin mary ... however Mary is a bad girl who never gets caught.


person1: ...christian cheerleader? a Mary?!?!
person2: yeah, at practice and chruch is a goody good... but you should've seen her at the party.





9) Your last name? Gee
Irish word for snatch or pussy
I licked her gee all night
**Holy shit I had NO idea!! Now my name is basically Irish Pussy.

great**



10) favorite musical artist? The Grateful Dead
A band in the "hippie years" who wrote such songs as Friend of the Devil and Truckin'. Had fanatic followers called Dead Heads.


The Grateful Dead is a great band.




11) favorite online friend in which you have never met in person?
Kimya Dawson
a singer from the band "Moldy Peaches", who has some solo albums, including Remember that I Love You, I'm Sorry That Sometimes I'm Mean, Hidden Vagenda and Knock-Knock Who?
Many of her songs were featured in the movie Juno which came out at the end of 07.


Her sound is relaxing and whimsical and amazing.


Stella: Hey, did you see Juno yet? i loved the sound track!
Luke: Yeah, me too, I love Kimya Dawson!